Six years in the planning...

I can officially confirm that the 2011 World Ski Championships officially opened, on time, at 18:25 on 23rd February 2011.

My previous comments as to whether this would happen were clearly ill-founded, and a considerable amount of work did seem to have taken place through the night to make sure that everything was ready (ish)!

Given those previous comments it was only fair that we stood, in sub zero temperatures, to watch the opening ceremony which included the theme "song" 'Glorious', sung (or at least mimed) extremely well by Maria Mittel, resplendent in her white fur.

The lyrics of the song were somewhat ironic, don't you think? (see also entry - "Isn't it ironic, don't you think?")

Verse1

It's gonna be an uphill battle

hard to win

sometimes you wanna give up

but you cant give in

you wanna raise that flag

give all you have

its all or nothing

you gotta keep your head held high

Chorus

We gonna be

glorious

the best that we can be

rise or fall

we gonna make it through it all

we gonna be

glorious

hear the distant call

from our hearts

love will be standing tall

so we can be

glorious

Verse2

Its gonna be a laboured journey

miles to go

But you don`t have to worry

I won`t let go

I´ll be by your side

We`ll reach that high

We`ll climb that mountain

Together you and I

Hook

when love`s victorious

it shines on all of us

we`re never giving up

glorious...

I'm not sure whether the lyricists knew much about the Ski Championships but as far as I'm aware, "Uphill skiing" & "Mountain Climbing" aren't actually events, but to be honest the crowd gathered to watch the opening ceremony didn't seem to care.

Actually they really didn't seem to care at all. They stood and watched the proceedings, but there didn't seem to be any great pride or excitement.

However, and this is just a very small point, because the weather is so cold, and because everyone has to wear so many layers of clothing, including gloves, just to keep warm, he sound of thousands of people applauding was never going to trouble Mr Richter and his scale to much!

Imagine ten thousand penguins clapping...and I know that their flippers don't actually touch in front of them!

So with muted (glove induced) applause and a firework display that seemed to go on and on for at least 30....seconds, the 2011 World Ski Championships were declared well and truly open.

Now whilst the speeches were delivered in both Norwegian and English, I still must have misheard one line which I thought had said that the event had been "...six years in the planning"!

Although, perhaps they were PLANNED extremely well, and it was just that they were a little tardy in getting round to putting those plans into action.

Anyway, at least we now have a more appropriate Trailwalker theme tune..."We (sic) gonna be GLO-RI-OUS..."

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

My first jump on Holmenkollen ski jump

Please note that every word of the following account is absolutely true!

As I stood at the top of the Holmenkollen ski-jump today, the first day of the World Nordic Ski Championships, I was all too aware that the last time an Englishman had been in a similar position on the first day of a such a major Championship, his achievements resulted in many considering him to be a hero, whilst an equal number considered him to be a fool.

On that day in 1988, Eddie 'The Eagle' Edwards had set a GB record of 73.5m, but had still come last in both the 70m & 90m jumps.

Today, as I looked down the jump I could hear the crowd below cheering, although realised that, with a preponderance of Norwegian flags being waved, the cheers, however polite, were not for me.

With only a thin metal barrier between me and the steep snow covered slope itself, I took a deep breath. One ill-timed slip, and months of preparations would be wasted. I had to make sure that my timing was spot on. Half way down the slope the electronic timer counted down the seconds.

I composed myself and then jumped.

Edwards had set the record at 73.5m. My first jump didn't even reach 60!*

Now, it goes without saying that my "jump" had not been off the end of the steep incline but simply a jump in the air at the top of the visitor platform next to where intrepid ski-jumpers would soon launch themselves down the run in the days to come.

On this first day of the World Ski Championships there was no ski-jumping event taking place, and the mainly Norwegian crowd below were cheering, but for the competitors in the qualifying rounds of the cross-country skiing.

However, both the Ski-jump museum and access to the top of the ski-jump itself were still open, and I couldn't miss the opportunity to experience what it was like to stand at the top.

As for 'Eddie The Eagle'? Whilst he was eventually declared bankrupt, he put his money where his mouth was. He became a British record holder, and the world remembers his name!

The line in the poem 'Risk' (from last Thursday's blog):

"...To try is to risk failure"

...is particularly relevant to Eddie. He tried, he risked failure, and to some he did fail, because he came last. But in doing so he set a British record, and jumped further than any Briton had ever done before, until his record was broken in 1994.

By so many measures Eddie did actually succeed.

All across the world as teams set out on Trailwalker events they will test themselves as they have never done so before, not knowing if mind, body or soul will help them to succeed, or will conspire against them. However, what unites them all is the "will" to succeed, whatever the outcome.

Whilst "...to try is to risk failure", NOT to try is to never know what you can achieve!

* = 60cm

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Fail to prepare...prepare to fail

Whether it's a 100km walk, an Olympic Games or a World Ski Championships, the adage 'Fail to prepare...prepare to fail' holds good for each.

Yesterday I commented that Oslo's preparations for the latter event appeared somewhat last minute. In hindsight that was somewhat unfair.

Unfair, that is, to cities who do actually prepare at the last minute, because Oslo still doesn't seem even as ready as that...and the Championships start tomorrow.

They, like us, have been doing some rehearsals, and this evening we watched a 'run-through' of the opening ceremony, (which did look & sound very good) but so much of the infrastructure seems to be still under construction.

The street of ice sculptures are nowhere near finished, the marquees aren't all erected, the barriers and security areas aren't in place etc etc.

So, how much will the adrenaline and emotion of taking part in such an event carry them through?

You can't run through every element of the event in preparation for the event itself, other wise you would only be allowed to run a World Championships, if you have already run a World Championships...and that simply ends us up in the whole 'chicken & egg' scenario.

Just as we won't walk 100km (in a non stop training walk) before July 16th - but you prepare as best you can, in the time that you have available, and then you hope a little, pray a little & eventually trust that what you have done is in the end good enough.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Oslo - two days to go....

Oslo is a fairly 'laid back' city!

In two days time they will host the World Skiing Championships, and yet whilst they appear as though they will be ready...they appear as though they will be ready in about a weeks time - i.e. About 5 days late!

We went to Oslo's new ski-jump at Holmenkollen today. The most modern ski-jump in the world. Built with a budget of NOK 500 million...and a cost of NOK 2 billion!

We were able to walk around the site and view the areas being prepared without being questioned or stopped, despite not having the seemingly obligatory security passes that everyone else seemed to be wearing. But then maybe we just have honest faces.

So much seemed to need doing to make the area both safe and secure and despite this there were very few people around doing anything at all. However, no doubt it will all be done - just in time, and the rest of the world will never know.

Back in the City we did see the first of the medal ceremonies where a rather short, bespectacled and - apologies for the following inappropriate but actually accurate description - somewhat "tubby" old woman- apparently from Russia, was presented with the Gold medal for the downhill skiing.

It was at this point that we realised that this was only a trial run of the medal ceremony, although that being said, for all I know the aforementioned lady may in fact be probably the best female downhill skier in the world!

After witnessing this "mock" presentation we went on to visit Oslo's City Hall where each December the Nobel Peace Prize is presented.

In 2009, after running a campaign where the people of the world were asked "Can we possibly award the Nobel Peace Prize to somebody who has not achieved peace anywhere yet?" (Even if that is only because he hasn't been in the job long enough) the answer came "Yes we can!" and Barak Obama rather sheepishly accepted the prize, and a large number of people mocked!

Having finished our sightseeing for the day, we headed back to the hotel, passing a restaurant that served a 'Vera Lynn' special.

"...Whale meat again, don't know where, don't know when...."

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Age appropriate activities?

We flew out of Heathrow Terminal 5 this evening on our way to Oslo for a short break.

We were seated in row 6 and had the aisle and middle seat in a row of 3. When we boarded, the window seat was already occupied by a man who appeared to be in his early 40's, and who we subsequently found out was Norwegian.

After about half an hour the cabin crew came round and served us a small hot meal and a glass of wine. I had just started to eat mine, when I was astonished to see Teresa leaning to her left and cutting up the food on the Norwegian gentleman's plate and then...started feeding him the food on the end of her fork!

He clearly had no idea how to react, and simply looked confused and a little scared.

"TERESA!..." I shouted "...WHAT on earth are you doing?", as I started apologising profusely to our fellow passenger.

OK - the above didn't ACTUALLY happen.

However, when Teresa last came to Oslo over 30 years ago, she was a 17 year old in her first job as a nanny to two Norwegian boys, aged 7 & 8.

Whilst only 9 years older than the oldest child on occasions she may have cut up his food and generally looked after him.

However, whilst the age differential with our fellow passenger was about the same, to have helped him in a similar way, would probably have got her locked up!

So it appears as though it is not just the age differential that is important but also the actual ages of the people involved also.

Here are some things that are age appropriate and some that are not!

Walking 100km in 20 hours is very appropriate for a 25 year old.

Walking 100km in 20 hours may not be so appropriate for a 50 year old...or is it?

Age itself shouldn't stop you doing anything if you're fit enough. Age is only a number!

I clearly remember runners who appeared much older than me overtaking me in the London and New York marathons that I completed 10 years ago.

Age didn't stop them - although being overtaken by a 73 year old man dressed in a (not Archbishop Desmond) tutu, nearly stopped me!

So, if age is not the issue, but fitness is, there is only one problem. Whilst there is nothing I can do about my age I have no excuses to stop me getting fit.

So I better just get on with it!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Am I going deaf or...

Am I going deaf or is there an increasing number of presenter errors in broadcasting these days?

There is little point repeating the double faux pas of James Naughtie when he inadvertently re-named Jeremy Hunt (the Culture Secretary) live on air, as that got plenty of coverage at the time.

Similarly so with the famous Cricket story where Cricket commentators Don Mosey and Brian Johnston were in the commentating box for the BBC World Service in a test match between West Indies and England at the Oval. Batsman Peter Willey was at the stumps, bowler Michael Holding was at the crease, when Johnston said:

"...We welcome World Service listeners to the Oval, where the bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey."

On may way from home from London yesterday evening I caught the end of the 10 o'clock news on Radio 4, when I heard a news item where the newsreader spoke of how the army in Bahrain were using "cheer" (I really don't think she said "tear") gas on protesters! When you think about it this could be a great strategy, and if this is not a real gas, what a difference there could be if they were able to use laughing gas for example!

I also heard Melvyn Bragg refer to the historic 'Taiping' rebellion in China. Now I'm sure the experienced Mr Bragg got the pronunciation spot on, but what I "heard" was the 'Typing' rebellion, and could only imagine secretaries across China going on strike!

And so the week comes to an end and one thing that doesn't seem to be a mistake or misunderstanding is that we are still top of the Oxfam Trailwalker UK's fundraising leader board for the second week running.

They have credited us with raising £800 to date, but thankfully everyone is catching up. Thankfully because we just want as much money to be raised as possible!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Ben Fogle, Captain Scott & Risk

Matt & I spent this evening at the Royal Geographical Society where Ben Fogle recounted his tales of a recent trip to the Antarctic where he was making a documentary about Captain Scott.

The evening, which was run by the UK Antarctic Heritage Trust, included clips from the forthcoming documentary, as Ben, who clearly enjoyed the experience spoke of Scott's (for some, somewhat tarnished) legacy and the conservation work that is ongoing to preserve the two "huts" used by both Scott & Shackleton.

Ben told how the visit was was completely overwhelming, and that having been introduced to Scott's adventures via a Ladybird book as a child he said how "...To feel the presence of Captain Scott was a privilege. It was an amazing journey, [he] never thought [he'd] make”.

As to why both Scott and Shackleton failed in their separate challenges will never be fully understood, but Ben stated that like many great explorers they had been prepared to take risks, risks which in Scott's case resulted in the death of both him, Oates and the rest of the team. Whether the risks taken could have been avoided or whether the right decisions were taken, is again a matter of conjecture, but a poem that Ben read out is relevant in so many situations, even those which are far less challenging that Scott's.

The poem, by an unknown author is simply called 'Risk':

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.

To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.

To reach for another is to risk involvement.

To expose your ideas, your dreams,

before a crowd is to risk their loss.

To love is to risk not being loved in return.

To live is to risk dying.

To believe is to risk despair.

To try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken, because the

greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

The people who risk nothing, do nothing,

have nothing, are nothing.

They may avoid suffering and sorrow,

but they cannot learn, feel, change,

grow, love, live.

Chained by their attitudes they are slaves;

they have forfeited their freedom.

Only a person who risks is free.

A very interesting and thought provoking evening, although regrettably we were unable to get to speak to Ben to get any further tips on endurance training!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Is all of this really worth it?

Whilst teams taking part in the Oxfam Trailwalker UK challenge in 2011 will each have both individual and team goals that they hope to reach, whether it is completing the course in a particular time, or simply completing the course, it is sometimes easy to forget the underlying reason why the event is taking place.

That being to raise significant sums of money for those most in need.

With profits made (and lost) by large organisations being measured in billions, and companies which make nothing tangible being valued in similar terms, it is easy to forget what true life-changing value can be achieved for those who have very little or nothing to their name.

Farmville, the Facebook related "virtual" farm, that seemingly persuades real people to buy imaginary crops with "real" money, has been valued at $9 billion!!

At  a similar $10 billion, Twitter is valued at $105 for each of the 95 million tweets its users write every day. Now, I know that my tweets aren't worth 65p each let alone £65, but bizarrely (and I do realise that it has a lot to do with anticipated Revenue streams and the such like!) this is the value that has been placed on it.

So if virtual entities have such significant values, how much is education or hygiene or protection from deadly diseases worth?

Consider this: -

• £1,500 trains 24 teachers in Tanzania. By training teachers Oxfam can help to give children in Tanzania a better future.
• £2,000 buys 150 family hygiene kits. When massive floods hit Pakistan in August 2010, Oxfam provided hygiene kits including soap, sanitary cloths and oral rehydration salts to help families to stay healthy, and 
• £3,000 provides over a 1,000 mosquito nets. Nets like these save lives. They’re a simple and effective way to protect people, especially children, from malaria.

So do you want to trade 15 of my tweets for the chance to train 24 teachers? Or 30 of my tweets instead of helping 150 families to remain clean and healthy.

Or would you rather have 45 of my tweets rather than helping to save the lives of 1,000 children at risk of dying from malaria.

You know you wouldn't! 

Help people survive in the real world, before creating a virtual world that they have no chance of participating in!

So proud!

Not sure whether I ever mentioned that there is a degree of competitiveness within the team, but, hopefully for all the right reasons we want to stretch ourselves, achieve the best time that we can, and raise lots of money in so doing. 

To be honest we thought that we hadn't really done enough so far with regards to our fund-raising efforts...and we most probably haven't...but we are proud that we are top of the first Fund-raising Leaderboard to be published by Oxfam for this year's event, and even get a special mention in the 'News this Week' section!

As we realise that this may be the only time that we are at the top, we will momentarily savour this proud moment!

"Are you sure we are on the right road?"

Without wanting to brag, I think that it is fair to say that I have an amazing ability to recall information from the past.

Complete scripts from my parts in plays from years gone by can still be recited, word for word, without repetition, deviation, err hesitation or repetition.

Evidence of such a bold claim can be demonstrated in my ability to remember all of my lines from my role as a King in my first (and strangely only) school play, over 40 years ago!

Whilst accepting that the blogosphere is somewhat limited in space, I think that it is worth repeating my part in the play in full to demonstrate the significance of my memory recall. So, if you'll pardon my indulgence, here are my lines in all their splendour: -

"Are you sure we are on the right road?"

The fact that I have never forgotten these words (I believe), underlines their significance and importance.

Such was the impressive manner in which the lines were "delivered" that (I believe) it has since been considered that it would be impossible to reach such perfection, such emotion, or such connection with audiences across the globe, that it would be inappropriate to ask me to attempt to reach such dizzy heights again.

Alternatively, despite being only 5 years old, they may just have thought that I was rubbish!

Nevertheless, the words have stayed with me, and remain as relevant today as they were back then. How many times will they be used on Trailwalker training walks between now and July, or on the event itself?

Knowing that you are in the right place at the right time is fairly important.

I have told previously of the time when I went into a ladies toilet in error immediately prior to a job interview for a role in HR, only realising my mistake when from inside a 'cubicle', I heard the "clip", "clip", "clip" of female footsteps outside. I escaped without anybody finding out, but only just.

I have also, from time to time, given presentations and have missed out slides or mixed the words from one slide with that of another.

However, I have never had the experience of the Indian Foreign Minister's debut performance at the UN Security Council reported in The Times today.

Put simply, he delivered the wrong speech. Not another of his own speeches, but a speech belonging to another country's Foreign Minister. He started reading this "wrong" speech, and carried on reading it for 3 minutes!

It was when Mr Krishna said "...allow me to express my profound satisfaction regarding the happy coincidence of having two Portuguese-speaking countries here today.” that some started to think that something was afoot.

As Mr Krishna moved on to how the EU was co-ordinating its approach with the UN, the horrible truth dawned on Hardeep Singh Puri, India’s envoy to the UN. Mr Krishna was reading the speech that Luís Amado, the Portuguese Foreign Minister, was planning to make and had circulated in advance.

Something was very much "afoot", but Mr Krishna seemingly didn't notice (had he not practiced?) that the words he was saying were someone else's and continued unaware.

Eventually an aide had to stop his boss in full flow.

“You can start again,” he told Mr Krishna, handing him the correct text. The minister cleared his throat and — for the second time — opened with an expression of gratitude to his hosts.

Whilst not reported in The Times it was at this point that I'm sure his hosts would have asked - "Are you sure that you are on the right road?", to which, sheepishly, he would have replied, "I am now!".

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

There may be sunshine ahead...

The weather in London today was somewhat changeable, and it always pays to carry one's camera around with you.

We had plenty of blue skies....we also had a good deal of sunshine...but unfortunately, it looked as though both the blue skies and sunshine were to be spoilt by the appearance of an ominous looking dark cloud...

 But the elements combined to produce something quite appropriate!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

The tone of his voice was very engaging...

For some, St. Valentine's Day is the day when "true love" is acknowledged and celebrated, and for others - and you know who you are - today, Sunday February 13th 2011, is the day when such love was acknowledged, in such an "engaging" way.

The following story is, on this romantic day, rather apt:-

"A wise woman who was traveling in the mountains found a precious stone in a stream. The next day she met another traveler who was hungry, and the wise woman opened her bag to share her food. The hungry traveler saw the precious stone and asked the woman to give it to him. She did so without hesitation. The traveler left, rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime.

But a few days later he came back to return the stone to the wise woman. "I've been thinking," he said, "I know how valuable the stone is, but I give it back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious. Give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me the stone."

True love cannot be bought, it is far too precious!

God bless young lovers, wherever you are!



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

The Seven Ages of Man....

The trouble with circular buildings is that unless clearly marked, one entrance can look very similar to another, and it is very easy to lose ones bearings.

This happened to me once in a 'circular' restaurant in Bristol when I complained to my waiter on returning to my table (after visiting the Carvery), that somebody had taken my newspaper and (more importantly) my glass of wine.

The waiter apologised and brought me a new glass of wine and paper, and as I tucked into my food, I looked at the tables in front of me. About three or four tables ahead of me around the curve of the restaurant wall, was an empty table, upon which I could see a glass of wine and newspaper.

Somebody, had clearly gone back to the wrong table! I wonder who that could have been?

The Royal Albert Hall overcomes this problem with each entrance door being numbered, but our visit there yesterday evening, combined with a quest for free Champagne (courtesy of an offer in the Times) got off to a somewhat 'circuitous' start.

Having eaten in the restaurant (entered via 'Door 12' - the same door as the Box Office), we decided to go for a glass of Champagne before the performance of Cirque du Soleil's 'Totem', and were directed to the Bar which could be accessed via 'Door 1'.

Tickets having been scanned, we were allowed through 'Door 1', and headed up to the Bar on the second floor. Unfortunately, we were told that we should have collected a voucher for our champagne at the Box Office, so we headed back in the direction from whence we had come.

This time we exited the building via 'Door 3', which was actually closer to the Bar, walked back to 'Door 12', collected our voucher, and headed back to 'Door 3'.

"We're not open yet!" said the women at 'Door 3'. Clearly they were, because we had already been to the bar. Clearly, the "door" in question was also capable of being opened, as we had previously walked through it - albeit in an out-to-in, rather than in-to-out direction. But no, we were sent back to 'Door 1', where we again had our tickets scanned and eventually we got to the bar.

Whilst the cold champagne was quaffed (is it only champagne that can be quaffed?) a little too quickly, there was no consideration of repeating our journey without an adequate supply of 'sponsors', which weren't to be found.

Such initial minor difficulties were soon forgotten when the performance of 'Totem' commenced.

Previous entries have introduced the other two "poles" currently in my life, Jan & Elek, but this "third" pole, Totem, was more extravagant, athletic, strong, and quite simply amazing than the other two.

I think that it would be fair (mainly due to the fact that someone who knew what by were talking about wrote it) to sum up Totem thus: -

"... the mesmerising Cirque du Soleil displayed a fascinating journey into the evolution of mankind.

Inspired by founding myths, this spectacular production traces the journey of the human species from its original amphibian state to its ultimate desire to fly."

 I would simply describe it as "WOW" as can be seen in the 'Preview' video accessed via the following link: -

http://www.cirquedusoleil.com/en/shows/totem/videos-extras/videos.aspx

The "Chavs" vs the "Chav nots"

After watching a mediocre international football match yesterday evening I read a report on the way into work in which a Premiership footballer was bemoaning the criticism he received for the size of his wage packet, believing that footballers should be classed as entertainers and compared to the earnings of Hollywood stars, rather than the average earnings of the man on the terraces.

Whether or not you like football, he has a point.

Rarely do you hear criticism of Messrs Clooney or Pitt, for the millions they earn, even when their performances on occasions (Oceans 12?) are not up to scratch.

So maybe it is more about the way in which they live their live, and the values. Maybe it has more to do with the jealously evoked by the "Chavs" vs the "Chav nots" division!

So how do you judge what a person is worth?

On my way home this evening I gave a pound to an apparently homeless person, begging at Holborn station, and then as I passed a silky voiced female soul singing busker at Green Park station, I turned back and gave her a pound also.

Was I wrong in the first instance because the money may be spent on drugs, or wrong in the second instance because the woman didn't actually need the money because she already has a good job by day?

Or, did I have the above two reasons the wrong way round?

The fact is I'll never know. One action was out of a sense of pity, and one out of admiration. Both, one, or neither acts may have been appropriate, but I'll never know.

Also, over half a million people use the Piccadilly line each day so, if they all walked passed my beggar and busker and every 2,500th person gave each women a pound, they would both earn more in the day than I do. How likely is that? For one, I believe it is quite likely, and it may not be the one who deserves the money most.

Given these moral dilemmas, it is fantastic that we have organisations such as Oxfam who identify where the need really is, and give practical help and support to those who need it most.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

"Student had illegal buttocks..."

It is always prudent to try to get the full story, rather than acting on overheard "snippets" of information, or reading partial headlines of the evening paper over the shoulder of a fellow commuter.

Such was the case for me this evening. But then you may already have worked that out.

Is it really possible to have illegal buttocks? If it is, how do they differ from legal ones, and what is the penalty for possessing such items? Surely, dispossession of such a critical bodily part would greatly shorten the chances of a person being able to conduct any kind of normal life, and greatly "shorten" the person also, as without buttocks (legal or otherwise) their legs would surely fall off!

The second half of the headline actually read,

"...enhancement in U.S. hotel room",

and was actually yet another sad story of an individual trying to improve their looks via cosmetic surgery...and ending up dead, when the surgery went catastrophically wrong (in this case due to the use of industrial silicone!).

Opportunities for misunderstanding or misspeaking abound. Even when the right words are used in the right order there is no guarantee that what you meant is what the listener will hear or understand.

Yesterday evening as I drove home from the station after a long day at work, I listened to the news on Radio 4. One particular news item was about the proposed closure of local swimming pools and one rather vocal female campaigner said,

"...all sorts of people currently use the pool. We've got one woman who comes here whose been suffering from severe depression, and if the pool closes she'll go under!..."

Now, the image in my head when she said this was not the image that she intended, and I was left thinking that I would agree that if they didn't drain the pool before the building was closed, then there was good chance that somebody would indeed "go under".

So make sure you hear what the speaker meant you to hear, and if you're in any doubt check your understanding to ensure that you've got all of the facts that you need.

So when you hear "...fancy a walk on the Sussex Downs this summer?" - CHECK IT OUT!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Isn't it ironic...don't you think?

Isn't it ironic...don't you think?

Apparently...

"...It's a black fly in your Chardonnay"; or

"...It's a free ride when you've already paid";

Some would say - although I wouldn't - that it's also ironic that Alanis Morrissette changed her nationality from Canadian to American, on the basis that had she done so 5 years earlier, she wouldn't have been able to understand the lyrics of her own song!!

(Clearly such views are stereotypical nonsense, and anybody who supports the notion that it is fair and reasonable to tar all inhabitants of a particular nation with the same stereotypical brush, can find like minded individuals a plenty, especially on a Sunday evening on BBC2 when Top Gear is on!)

It is also somewhat ironic that I am still hobbling after my walk on Sunday, with suspected (albeit self diagnosed, so most probably inaccurate and wholly exaggerated!) 'shin splints', whilst my nearest and dearest is totally pain-free!

However, my predicament pales into total insignificance when compared with the (ironical) events in California over the weekend, when Jose Luis Ochoa suffered far more than his "bird" during another (dubiously, so called) sporting event.

Mr Ochoa, was attending an illegal cockfighting event in Tulare County, California, when he was stabbed in the leg by a bird with a knife attached to it, the aim of which was to kill one of the other birds with which it was supposed to be fighting, rather than Mr Ochoa!

Now, isn't THAT ironic...don't you think?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

The most welcoming village in the world

As mentioned in my previous posting I drove to North Wales today and on my way passed through a small iron age village which has to be the most welcoming in the world (to me at least!) and whilst somewhat formal in their messaging - Not even a "Mr" Helsby or Paul, just "Helsby" - it did nothing to lesson the "personal touch"!

On approaching the village, the first welcoming sign appeared...

Then as I drove on further and the road straightened, news of my previous speeding fines had seemingly reached the village elders, who had very kindly put another sign out for me reminding me to take care...

Whilst this was clearly helpful, some of the information brought back memories that I had wanted to remain hidden. My disastrous foray into the pop music business, where I had failed to create the male equivalent of that famous 90's girl band was commemorated by the following reminder...

...and as I came to the outer edge of the village one further sign appeared which potentially could tempt me to return...

If it comes to a choice between a Trailwalker training weekend and my own personal Beer Festival in my own Sports Hall, it could be a hard choice!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Some words of advice.....

In a world that is increasingly becoming, or at least being described as, a "nanny state", it is possibly not particularly sensible to include a blog that tells people what not to do with their lives.

However, as members of my family will attest, the imparting of life lessons have always been well intended, if not always similarly well received.

My offerings today, which may have a lot to do with personal experiences over the last 36 hours, are as follows: -

• HOW TO DO IT (1) - Sunday morning walks are fine. Sunday morning 13 mile walks require planning. Sunday morning 13 mile walks should be preceded by stretching, undertaken with appropriate levels of fluids and energy foods, whilst wearing appropriate clothing, with money for any emergency situations.
• HOW NOT TO DO IT (1) - Lying in bed at 9.30am on Sunday morning and asking 'nearest and dearest' if we could be out of the house by 10.00am for our (briefly mentioned) Sunday walk. Rushing out of the house at 10.00am (for no particular reason other than that was the most recently mentioned "time"), with no food, drink or money.

• HOW TO DO IT (2) - Before and after any long walk ensure that appropriate stretching takes place to avoid unnecessary injury, pain, death etc. When/if pain or blisters start, ease off or where possible shorten route to avoid worsening situation.
• HOW NOT TO DO IT (2) - Set off at a fast pace, cover the full distance irrespective of pain, and when the going gets tough...jog!!

• HOW TO DO IT (3) - When walking on sections of road make sure that car drivers can see you and where possible walk facing oncoming traffic.
• HOW NOT TO DO IT (3) - When walking on sections of road make sure that young BMW drivers get the opportunity to drench you as they drive past you at speed through deep, expansive puddles!!

• HOW TO DO IT (4) - Ensure you give your body time to recover after the walk!
• HOW NOT TO DO IT (4) - Play (or attempt to play) 6 games of squash a few hours after the walk

• HOW TO DO IT (5) - Try to avoid sitting down for long periods on the day after a long walk.
  
• HOW NOT TO DO IT (5) - Spend 9 hours driving to North Wales and back the day after a long walk

I would like to point out that wherever possible I am keen to do things the right way....although I'm afraid to report that I scored 0/5 on the above list. Must try harder next time.

When the brain turns to blancmange!

Ed Byrne, the comedian - on the Graham Norton show on Friday - gave an example of how his pregnant wife's brain had taken on the consistency of blancmange, resulting in her normally razor-sharp intellect reducing to a state where she can barely remember her own name!

He recounted one incident where his wife's brain had met that of his father-in-law's, who is in the early stages of dementia.

The situation was when his in-laws had come around and had brought a clock with them that had belonged to his wife's grandmother.

Unfortunately the clock only had one hand, the minute hand, which as far as time telling is concerned is not the best hand. (You might know that it is 20 past something, but not what and is nowhere near as useful as the hour hand would have been!)

On seeing the clock, his wife said, "I don't want that, it's only got one arm", to which Ed and his mother-in-law replied, "Are you sure it's only got one 'ARM'?"

"Of course I am," she replied, "I can COUNT!"

Ed and his mother-in-law replied, "But are you sure it's called an 'ARM'?", to which his father-in-law interjected...

"It's not called an 'ARM', it's called a 'FINGER'!"

So it is, that "blancmange-brain" can happen at any age, and can help to explain both the strange utterances and weird decisions that at some point we have all, at one time or another, made.

As I lie in bed on this Sunday morning listening to the wind and rain outside and knowing that I should be getting ready to do a 20km walk with my nearest and dearest, I can recall my most recent "blancmange" response.

It was made in reply to the question "Do you fancy doing the Trailwalker UK event in 2011?".

It appears that I said "Yes!", when surely I must have meant "No!"

Reincarnation proven - Fact!

Generally, I have to see or experience something, to actually believe it.

For example, 

• I DO believe in flying saucers (another story) and 
• I DON'T believe that Elvis is still alive.

However, I now believe in reincarnation!

The proof, which would not have been as obvious to others as it was to me, occurred this afternoon at work.

A colleague asked "Does anybody know how to make Pavlova?"

Now, had there been monitoring equipment set up to measure the reaction time between the question finishing and my response, it would have determined that the delay was little more than a fraction of a nanosecond, before I responded, "The key ingredient is vinegar".

My colleague laughed. "Vinegar?" she replied with incredulity.

"Yes, it's to stop the meringue from totally hardening."

Another colleague then interjected, "Paul's totally right..."' before I went on to give further advice on whether it was acceptable to use an electric whisk from the start to beat the egg whites or whether this should be done by hand first.

Nothing particularly peculiar you might think (if you know nothing about me) but for those that do, whilst I can follow a recipe....for toast, creative cookery (i.e. That which does not solely rely on the ability to place a ready cooked meal in a microwave), is not exactly my forte...or even fiftay!

So it is clear that I am in fact the reincarnation of a French chef, whose skill and knowledge has lain dormant for the last fifty years. I'm not exactly sure who I was, but having done a little research there are a couple of candidates.

I believe that I am either the reincarnation of Georges Blanc, of the infamous culinary Blanc family, who died in 1959 or Caesar Cardini, who invented the 'Caesar' Salad.

Given that Caesar wasn't greatly known for his deserts, I guess I must be the re-incarnation of Georges Blanc! It is quite bizarre how things turn out, because there was a baby girl born shortly after the death of Georges and some months before me who may have been able to make more use of his skills...a certain Nigella Lawson!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

What are our inalienable rights?

It is reported that Brazil, which is known for it's jubilant spirit and massive street parties, is passing a law to make happiness an inalienable right.

"We've had economic growth without the social growth hoped for," said Mauro Motoryn, of the Happier Movement. "We want to provoke discussion, to seek approval for the creation of conditions in which social rights are upheld."

So, as usual, a number of questions from me: -

1. If we are allowed to have inalienable rights, what do aliens have? Inhuman rights? If so, is this fair, and is it any wonder that they don't visit earth more often?
2. This appears to be a very hard nut to crack, so who is the Brazil nut that came up with this nutty idea?
3. What is a Happier "Movement", and does it follow on from people who are "flushed" with success?, and
4. What would the British equivalent be? The "Slightly less cynical movement"?

As has already been discussed anyone's position always depends on the perspective from which it is approached, and those with the most positive attitude tend to be those that appear to be most successful or at least most contented with the success they have.

However, one perspective that I heard yesterday put an entirely different "spin" on things and demonstrated where their priorities were.

An Australian colleague recounted a comment from her brother who lives in Queensland, and who has therefore lived through the recent horrific floods as well as the recent Cyclone. He said, "You know why all these disasters are happening to us?....Because we lost the Ashes!"

If that is the case, does that mean that God is Australian?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

A matter of perspective

Last night I went to a Comedy Night at a local bar in Canary Wharf with work colleagues, which demonstrated two things. Firstly, how difficult an "art form" stand up comedy is to master, and secondly how inadvisable it is to include the phrase "guaranteed to make you laugh" on the tickets!

To be fair, 80% of the acts were funny 60% of the time, and 20% of the acts were funny 0% of the time, so at least the "principled" Mr Pareto would have been sleeping smugly in his bed!

During one of the acts, Nathan (one of the 80%) did a joke about the recent news headlines which reported that "GLOBAL WARMING IS MORE DANGEROUS THAN GUN CRIME!"

Clearly, when viewed across the globe, this may be the case, but Nathan put a somewhat different slant on things.

Imagine the scene - you have ended up in the wrong part of town, in the early hours of the morning. It is cold, dark and you are alone. Very alone. Then you hear the sound of a car approaching from behind, and when you turn round you see that it is black, with blacked out windows. It slows down as it approaches you, and as you look again you see the front passenger window slowly lower. Then, as the moon briefly appears from behind a cloud, you catch the glimpse of a barrel of a gun pointing through the crack in the window...and it's pointing at YOU!

Now, at this point do you think: -

a) "...I hope that that young man isn't going to blow CO2 in my face", or

b) "...Arrrghh I'm going to get shot!!!!!!!!!!"

So as my aunt said to my daughter at my cousin's wedding - "It's all relatives!"

Whilst there may be more to fear, than fear itself - context is everything. Just as you have more chance of getting kicked to death by a donkey than you do of dying in a plane crash...the chance of 300 people getting kicked to death by 300 donkeys at the same time, is possibly less likely to happen!

Therefore, for those thinking of the dangers of the Trailwalker challenge on your life, health and sanity, think not what it can do to you, but what you can achieve from it!

In addition, if you are ever about to board a plane and see 300 donkeys being led into the cargo hold...possibly consider catching the next flight!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Some things can't be shortened!

Now, whilst it is true that there are some things that you may never want to shorten (e.g. Your life) whilst other things may greatly benefit from some judicious pruning (e.g. This blog or the Trailwalker distance?), there appears to be a move in society to reduce things to a length that matches the ever decreasing time that people are able to concentrate for....

(...if YOUR mind has already started to wander then your attention span is about 13 seconds!)

Take the "i" - the Independent Newspaper's so called "concise" quality paper.

It's premise is that it is aimed at the proverbial "busy" person who hasn't got time to read a proper newspaper, but who has advanced beyond the red-tops, and basically contains snippets of information that will enable any reader to enter any conversation and be able to say "I read a story about that in the paper"!

(However, if that said individual was questioned about their views on the specific details of the issue/situation so summarised they'd ONLY be able to repeat "I read a story about that in the paper".

We therefore need to act, before the world becomes no more than a collection of soundbites!

In an attempt to counter this move towards an overly abbreviated world and find one that had more "substance", I decided that a dose of culture was required & headed off to the Tate Modern to view the Gabriel Orozco exhibition. Some of the works were thought provoking, some challenged perceptions, and many demonstrated the sense of humour of this renowned artist.

However, there was one exhibit that wasn't a million miles from the "i"'s approach to abbreviated news.

The piece of work in question was called Obituaries, which consisted of a collection of headlines from the obituaries page of the New York Times in which the unnamed dead person’s achievement or notoriety is described in five or six words, without the added detail of to whom the description refers.

So, having initially baulked at the thought of news being "clipped" to the bare minimum, I was now being persuaded that to summarise ones own life in so few words was culturally acceptable.

So, what would I say about my life so far...in no more than say 10 words?

Current thoughts are:

• "Blue Peter badge winner & smartphone inventor before Aged 10!", or
• "Closet stand-up comedian. Couldn't unlock closet!", or
• "(Untidy) marathon runner, skydiver, husband, father, friend" or (after July)
• "Sang about walking 500 miles. Managed 63!"

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad