"Student had illegal buttocks..."

It is always prudent to try to get the full story, rather than acting on overheard "snippets" of information, or reading partial headlines of the evening paper over the shoulder of a fellow commuter.

Such was the case for me this evening. But then you may already have worked that out.

Is it really possible to have illegal buttocks? If it is, how do they differ from legal ones, and what is the penalty for possessing such items? Surely, dispossession of such a critical bodily part would greatly shorten the chances of a person being able to conduct any kind of normal life, and greatly "shorten" the person also, as without buttocks (legal or otherwise) their legs would surely fall off!

The second half of the headline actually read,

"...enhancement in U.S. hotel room",

and was actually yet another sad story of an individual trying to improve their looks via cosmetic surgery...and ending up dead, when the surgery went catastrophically wrong (in this case due to the use of industrial silicone!).

Opportunities for misunderstanding or misspeaking abound. Even when the right words are used in the right order there is no guarantee that what you meant is what the listener will hear or understand.

Yesterday evening as I drove home from the station after a long day at work, I listened to the news on Radio 4. One particular news item was about the proposed closure of local swimming pools and one rather vocal female campaigner said,

"...all sorts of people currently use the pool. We've got one woman who comes here whose been suffering from severe depression, and if the pool closes she'll go under!..."

Now, the image in my head when she said this was not the image that she intended, and I was left thinking that I would agree that if they didn't drain the pool before the building was closed, then there was good chance that somebody would indeed "go under".

So make sure you hear what the speaker meant you to hear, and if you're in any doubt check your understanding to ensure that you've got all of the facts that you need.

So when you hear "...fancy a walk on the Sussex Downs this summer?" - CHECK IT OUT!!

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